Gorillas in the Mist ..... Or Close Encounters of an Ape Kind

So clearly I've been harping on about Rwandan culture and history for far too long ... since all I seem to be getting at the moment are emails saying "Yeah - but what about the gorillas?"

Amin (my driver-guide .... on whom more later) and I set off in our ancient Land Cruiser (top speed 40km/h) to the north-western region of Rwanda - the Virunga volcanic highlands on the border with Uganda and the DRC, and home to one of the last remaining populations of mountain gorillas.

Few factoids: The mountain gorilla (Gorilla beringei beringei) was "discovered" in 1902 - but is now found only in two areas of Africa - the Bwindi Impenetrable Forest of Uganda (where in fact my mate Paul is working with the Batwa pygmies) and the Virunga Highlands. As of the 2002 - there were only approximately 700 gorillas left between the two regions .... their numbers depleted due to disease, poaching, habitat loss and war(some rebels in Congo killing them and even eating them) .... making them one of the most endangered species in the world. Apparently 98% genetically identical to humans - they are unable to survive in captivity and attempts to release rescued gorillas back into the wild haven't been very successful. Just for the Yanks .... male silverbacks (they get all silvery when they reach full adulthood) can weigh 50-100lbs more than the average american football player - but are 10 times stronger.

I've dreamt forever and ever of seeing gorillas .... and have been making fantasy plans for a trip ever since I arrived in SA .... so when I heard about the PEPFAR conference in Kigali - I shamelessly abandoned all friendships/fantasy travel companions and knew I had to get something accepted just so I could come here (apologies Peter) .... luckily I managed to get a gorilla permit at short notice .... and everything seemed to be going swimmingly .....

However when I arrived at the volcanoes (the ones in Rwanda are dormant ... unlike the ones in Congo - of which more later) .... i realised that fantasy planning doesn't actually prepare you for any reality.... ....Having spent the night in a very musty cold mountain lodge (i am assuming to toughen wannabe trekkers up) .... i met with my trekking group at the Parc de Volcans headquarters .... and my heart sank ... they were all blokes - experienced climbers, fit and looked very prepared .... my only prep had been to buy some Merrell sneakers and I'd already eaten the one power bar I'd brought when hungry in Kigali .... and then - I was handed a machete bigger than my arm .... i was clearly In Over My Head ....

And so we entered the forest - it was dense, dark and like something out of the Lost World ... you almost expected dinosaurs to come crashing out .... and it was definitely filled with beasties, creepy-crawlies and nasties ..... we thrashed out with machetes at the overgrowth and scrambled up for what seemed like hours .... I was starting to think that perhaps armchair adventure was more my style ....

Finally - the tracker stopped and made us leave our gear in a pile ... and gave us the ground rules .... don't ever point at the gorillas (they think you're going to throw something at them and attack in anticipation), don't sneeze at them (v prone to human disease) ... and if one charges (ie beats its chest a la King Kong) - then sit down in submission and never ever run ..... S.H.I.T.

We edged up further and heard some grunting .... and then all of a sudden there they were .... a family of about 10 gorillas - two blackbacks (immature males), three females and a bunch of babies .... just messing around, hanging off trees, goofing about ... we were all speechless .... these things are HUGE .... massive massive hairy beasts with human-like hands and feet with expressions to match .... it was breathtaking .....

And then to our total delight - one of the blackback males naughtily pulled one of the females to the ground and treated us to some gorilla-porn .... (especially naughty because only the boss-silverback is supposed to mate with the females of the group ... so this trollop-female was living very dangerously ...) .... although she didn't seem to enjoy the whole experience - he just hauled her around from side to side whilst she lay back and thought of the jungle ...

After the deed was done - Mr Seducer sat back seemingly content munching leaves and chewing bamboo in post-coital bliss .... when suddenly in a flash he made a grab for the only female of our group - ME! He managed to get hold of my shoulder grunting away as I flailed helplessly (my own King Kong moment!) ... but thankfully the nice ranger jumped in between and wrestled him away .... snarling the cheeky gorilla turned away ... but then flipped around and landed a HUGE wallop on the bloke standing next to me .... flooring him ... before scampering away laughing ....

I won't deny that I was petrified and looking around for the escape cord .... i was especially terrified of what the poor ranger would have to tell my mum .... So sorry Mrs Rao - but Bhargavi became a Gorilla concubine .... I can imagine my mum would just be glad I had settled down finally ....

Anyhow heart pounding and hands all trembly .... we continued onwards and upwards to see the Big Boss himself .... The Silverback .... and we found him sitting Buddha-like .... watching over his extended family .... if i'd thought the others were huge ... this one was Gargantuan with big furry muscles - and all herbivore too .... if he been the one grabbing me - i'd have probably been smashed to bits ..... my mum was right - you do grow tall if you eat your veggies .... and hairy apparently ...

He just sat meditating for while - not bothered at all by all our camera clicking or gawping .... before clearly hunger got the better of him and he set off at great pace through the forest ..... howling for his crew to join him ....

We tracked him for over an hour .... clumsily thrashing through the trees as he delicately picked his way - amazingly graceful for something so massive .....

And then we came upon Wife Number 1 - replete with baby-gorilla on her back .... together they all foraged for the best leaves and shoots .... with the Big Man grunting paternally - the Alpha Male ....











It all seemed to come to an end far far too soon .... we'd been trekking for almost four hours yet it felt like seconds ... None of us couldn't bear to leave them .... and at the end it was almost as though he knew .... he turned let out a yelp and beat his chest goodbye ..... We couldn't have been more than ecstatic .....



So my machete and i were reluctantly parted .... i'll admit to being a little emotional by the end (i mean - to be touched by a gorilla ... of course i'm still a little paranoid i've caught some ape-disease ... wasn't man-ape contact how HIV started?!) .... and i still can't quite believe how magical it was ... i do feel as though i've had a glimpse into some sort of primaeval world - one that is slipping away fast ......and i'll make no excuses for being horribly schmaltzy - i've fulfilled a dream ....