Aunties all over the world ....

Now that I'm back safely ensconced in Cape Town ... I have to admit I have this wee tiny sense of achievement ... I had never ever thought I could or would go gaily gallivanting across the centre of africa .... much less almost getting down and dirty with gorillas, UN peacekeepers etc etc ... its a long long way from growing in Brummie-land ....

But as much as I loved my trip - I have to say journeying solo wasn't all happy days .... and I now have a new-found respect for all my foreign-correspondent/journalist friends, NGO workers etc etc who travel a lot by themselves ..... even little things are hasslesome - like having to take all your stuff into small airport toilet cubicles because no one will look after them for you .... and I found I had to resort to eating all meals with a book in my hand avoiding eye contact ... partly to amuse myself (my own company not being the most thrilling) .... and partly to dissuade anyone from talking to me (other people's company being even less desirable) .... and partly to avoid looking as though i'm touting for business (being mistaken even once as a prostitute was enough for me ....) ....

Which brings me to the odd thing about being female and travelling alone in Rwanda .... I had geuinely thought that I would need to be constantly on my guard against marauding males looking to besmirch my virtue ...... I even chose my driver Amin - partly because I knew that the Muslims hadn't participated in the genocide too much (and i didn't fancy being in the wilds with someone with a recent history of raping and pillaging) .... but really because I knew that he was newly married .... and hence hoped he was less likely to get funny ideas in his head .... it turned out that I clearly had thought Too Much of myself ....

Aside from his frequent references to the fact that his religion allowed him a second wife and how much he liked intelligent women .... Amin was a doll .... and a complete gentleman (i think) .... although to be honest even if he had made any improper suggestions - i would never have known since whereas I had meticulously researched his marital and criminal-tendency history - I had totally forgotten to check his English fluency .... and later found out he only spoke Kinyarwanda and some rather limited French ....

But in reality rather than my being propositioned or pursued - once anyone found out that I could speak French ... it was much more common for me to be asked firstly why Indians don't marry black people (what does one say to that ... best just to shrug blankly and change the subject ....) .... and secondly to be roundly and blatantly scolded - and no one seemed shy in doing that ....

"You're here by yourself?" they asked me - women, men, kids, grannies, colleagues and so on ...
"Yes - for the AIDS conference and then I decided I wanted to see your beautiful country" - thinking foolishly that this would endear me to them ...
"And you live in South Africa by yourself too? No family?"
"Well I have lots of good friends there .... "

By this stage - having had a lifetime around Indian aunties ... I knew exactly where this conversation was heading .... and I was starting to look around desperately for an exit ... and yet they still pressed on ...

"So - no husband? Hmmmm - and you travel all around? Also by yourself?"
"Yes - well its my work you see .... I work with health and development ...."
"This work of yours - it does you no good ...."
"Oh? I'm really trying to do some good ...."
"Yes but you are a woman .... and a women should have a husband and children. A woman should not do such work. Why are you wasting your time?"
"Well - you know - people are dying ... and no one else will help them .... there's so much I need to do in the world .... and I don't want to be tied down yet ...." .... I tailed off .... all the while wondering why I sounded so pathetic ....
"You don't want to get married? Are you ok? You like men? No problems?" ... they groped for a way to make sense of me ...
"No no - I'm fine .... I just want to do other things first ....... so much to do you know ..." Men and women alike shook their heads reprovingly ...
"Aren't people dying in your own country too? We are very grateful for people like you coming to help us of course ... but what are you solving?"
"Well - you know ... AIDS is killing millions .... I want to help people ... blah blah blah ..." - I knew it was a losing battle ....
"If you really want to help people .... better you make your mother happy and settle down ...."
"Er - have you been speaking to my mother?" .... Peals of laughter all around and lots of nodding ...

Bloody hell - my mum has her spies in Rwanda too? Perhaps I should just get her to come here so I can stay ....