Mugabe wins yet again ....

Once more Robert Mugabe shows what a wily old political fox he is ... and yet again he wins the PR battle against the English .....

Mugabe (shown here with the President Bashir of Sudan .... no saint himself) is the only African leader subject to an EU travel ban (that in itself is interesting .... is Zim that much worse than say Somalia, DRC etc?) ... however the ban was overturned by Portugal in order to invite Zimbabwe to the landmark EU-Africa conference held this week in Lisbon ....

Immediately Gordon Brown declared that if Mugabe was going to attend then he would not (apparently to avoid any meeting between the two overshadowing the conference) .... and urged other European leaders to similarly boycott the summit ..... quoting David Milliband (our Foreign Secretary) "because of our distress at the tragedy unfolding in Zimbabwe, which affects people of all races, which we believe can be traced back directly to Robert Mugabe ..... it would be wrong for the UK Prime Minister - or other senior members of the British government - to stand by his side. This man's misrule has brought starvation to a country that was once the breadbasket of Africa".

No other European nation followed suit.

And instead - there were angry reprisals from several African nations. And of course Mugabe went and participated in the conference .... and Gordan lamely sent a proxy ....

When are our leaders going to work out that patronising stances are not its legitimate colonial right anymore? Yes Gordan is right to highlight that Mugabe is man who has brought his country to his knees .... but is he THAT much worse than say the leaders of Somalia, Sudan, Congo or Sierra Leone or Sudan etc etc .... this from a leader who recently welcome the King of Saudi Arabia to London and Chinese heads of state etc ....

Surely much more respect goes to Merkel ... who went ... and then took the opportunity to directly criticise without disengaging with the rest of Africa .....

With this sort of ex-colonial attitude .... its no wonder the Chinese are taking over Africa ....

Coming Home .....

Apparently i'm not the only returning back to native lands this month .... this is a really sweet story about 4 gorillas who were illegally gorilla-napped from Cameroon and taken to Malaysia .... somehow amazingly they didn't suffer the fate of most monkeys/apes that are sent out to the far east (very lucky indeed - i once went to a chimp sanctuary in kenya ... and it broke my heart what evilness is done to these poor animals)..... and even more luckily they were kept as a family and made it to Taiping Zoo ....

However three years ago - the endangered apes were semi-returned to Africa first journeying to Johannesburg ..... and now finally they've made it back to their home country .... where they were received by government ministers at the airport!

What really also amazes me is that the gorillas had to go via Nairobi ..... probably in part because South Africa really doesn't see itself as part of the rest of Africa - and so has no direct flights anywhere in the continent (barely) .... but any of you who have ever travelled through Africa will know that there are rules to flying here .... basically never check luggage if you can help it and especially never if you are transitting ..... (i learned my lesson once when i landed in Nairobi but my luggage didn't land with me - and so had to spend the first three days of my trip with no clothes or anything .... and instead had to resort to feeding people vats of whiskey to distract them from my increasingly filthy state) .... so it was very brave for the gorilla-movers to chance a stopover (i know i know - it would have been very hard to misplace 4 great apes .... but this is Africa ... and anything can happen) ....

Anyhow these poor gorillas after gallivanting around southern and eastern africa ..... are now settling in back at home (well - on a sanctuary at least) and getting their bearings back .... which is a lot like how i feel here in england .... especially the sanctuary part given i'm squatting at my friend sonia's .... almost like a rehabilitation camp to prepare my for my release back into the wilds of north london ....

Me and the monkeys .... rediscovering "home" .... and missing South Africa .....


(picture: me and chimp friend taking a sanctuary stroll)

Out of Africa ....

Life is a very odd thing.

I came to South Africa over two years ago really because i was chasing a romantic dream. Otherwise - i hadn't a clue what i was looking for .... i had no idea what i actually wanted to do ..... and i was desperate enough to accept the first decent job that came along from the week or so that i gave myself in Boston to find work in a hope to make some sort of career for myself .... and i didn't have the most auspicious start .... mugged at knifepoint on my first day .... it was just the fear of going home and admitting that i'd chickened out that made me stay .....

And so its funny that i'm finding leaving africa with far far scarier and unsettling and more of a step into the unknown than arriving here ..... it goes without saying that its been the most special incredible unbelievable experience .... horrific and disturbing in parts but mostly wonderful and without exception heartstopping .....and whilst the initial underlying reason i moved here hasn't sadly worked out .... i couldn't be more grateful that it inspired me to take the plunge, introduced me to a whole new world and way of thinking and spurred me to adventure ....

So naturally leaving has been difficult .... obviously - london can't ever really compare to one of the world's most beautiful cities with a mountain plop in the middle, beaches to go to after work .... and a different vineyard to visit every weekend and gourmet food at developing world prices .... safari and surf .... heaven and earth ..... and it was just the start of summer .... as i moved to england at the start of winter .... wristslitting ....

But of course - the real heartbreakers have been leaving a job that tangibly made a difference ..... work that really made me feel that i might just be fighting the good fight with purpose and that has definitely made me finally wake up to what i want to achieve in life .... and also leaving some of the bestest friends i will ever have to fortune to meet and that i thank my lucky stars i did (the best mugging ever!) .... that i can't even type about without getting all teary ... who saw me through some terrible lows and without question contributed to all of my highs .... and that i know i'll love forever and ever with all my heart .....


So now the leaving parties are over (thank you my gorgeous pedro and prawn for enduring a seemingly month-long continuous farewell) .... all my afro-trash bits and bobs have been packed and shipped .... and i'm sitting here in london ruefully shaking my umbrella and already missing South Africa truly madly deeply ..... so it seems the right time to start getting settled in ... and to change the name of the blog .....

Part 3: Eurgh posting gets tedious .... Nambia: the final chapter

I'm determined to finish this on principle ... even though the actual trip seems several millennia ago .... and heaps of important stuff has happened since that i really do want to write about as well .... and even i am sick of writing about this now .... and so in short ...

After the small-town scariness of Swakopmund and separating from peter at walvis bay .... C and I headed up the west coast ... through to Cape Cross .... allegedly the site where the portuguese explorers first landed on that part of the continent in 1485 .... but now home only to several thousand very smelly seals (and the ensuing seal-slaughtering industry) ..... a useful stop if just for petrol ....which (as an aside) is something that can't be emphasised enough for the long drives in namibia ..... petrol stations are few and far between .... and often (especially damning if you've driven miles out of your way to get there .... as we did) don't work when you do get there (as we were continually told by white namibians .... this had become increasingly common after the "change" ...... all rather nasty)

And then onwards to the swashbucklingly named Skeleton Coast ..... which welcomed us with gates adorned with a skull and crossbones and very large sunbleached bones ..... veritable gates of hell....

The local San Bushman call this area "The place God Made in Anger" ..... its an otherworldly sinister stretch of surf meets sand littered with the ossified remnants of ships beached onto th shore ..... and now made even more sinister by the shadowy presence of Namdeb mining for diamonds (or De Beers Namibia) .... the evil empire has its reaches even in the most untouched places ....

We left the coast and headed inland into Damaraland ... a sort of mixture of desert and huge great boulders ..... the road to which is spotted with the (unique to namibia) dinosaur of the plant world - Welwitschia mirabilis .... some of which are over 1500 years old .... and actually have only two leaves which get shredded with time .... and even more bizaarely have entirely separate male and female plants who somehow have to find each other through each other in the wilds ..... its no wonder they have to live so long ..... i feel their pain .....


The other event of the long long road trip to Damaraland .... was a spectacular ripped-to-shreds puncture in the midst of abosolutely nowhere .... with no one to help .... luckily the lovely Corey (whose one contribution on our pre-trip prep was supposed to be to learn car mechanics and puncture repair .... but who instead chose to do his NYC bar exams) ... showed unbeknownst alpha male skills ..... and demonstrated that a Y chromosome may well have some innate value .... by whipping out the jack and fixing his first flat in about 10 minutes .... i stood by and made ooh-aaah noises appropriately .....

We limped into our gorgeous lodge (Mowani for any of you that might venture that way one day) ... and were instantly appeased after a long hot dusty day ... built with unique domeshaped thatched roofs to disappear into the boulder-strewn landscape .... and home to one of the only two desert elephant populations in africa ... it was the sort of place that made you pinch yourself at how luck you are to see the wonders of africa .....

Sunset didn't disappoint either .... its was glorious in the way that only African sunsets can be .... lurid reds and indecent oranges in an incandescent sky ..... unlimited unending space on fire .... the beauty only slightly interrupted by the arrival of Ami from London (via Nairobi, Joburg and Windhoek) ... who had chartered a private plane to fly him up to the lodge (!!!) .... but who still managed to arrive without his luggage (and yes for those of you wondering .... he did spend the next 4 days in the same clothes .... and undies ..... THAT is how he rolls)

Once Ami arrived ... the alcohol consumption rocketed .... chat and banter flowed .... and all adult sightseeing stopped .... we giggled like school children at the 4000 year old rock paintings (think stick paintings by a 3 year old) .... and generally took the piss out of everything and anything .....

And so onto the final leg .... to the great Etosha national park .... a very unique park where instead of you chasing and tracking the animals .... the idea is to just sit by one of the many watering holes with your six pack and food .... and wait for the animals to come to you and drink (from the hole .... not the six pack) ..... all very circle-of-life-natural-rhythm ..... except we were tyically wholly unsuccessful at picking the good watering holes ..... and so whilst we did see loads of incredible plains game .... everyone else in the park saw big cats, hunts and gore galore .... and when we did a night drive - the only animal we saw - was a domestic cat ..... and our biggest piece of action was running out of the canteen without paying for dinner (and then ami getting caught for it the next day!!) ..... i rest my case about Ami's effect on the holiday ....



In short 8 days .... mountains, desert and coast .... three hub caps and two punctures .... game viewing, dune hiking and quad bikes .... Erdinger Weissbier and Jamison 12 years .... and dust in every crack, crevice and piece of clothing .... bloody brilliant .... Pedro, C-dub and Ami - thank you

Namibia Part 2 - Germans .... are Germans even when they're African

After our amazing balloon ride ... which on landing led seamlessly into gourmet breakfast amongst the vast spaces of the desert - we were feeling that life was pretty bloody good.... buoyed by champagne (opened in the pic by machete), fresh croissants and some very tasty zebra carpaccio (welcome to being bourgeois african style) .... we set off on the next 6 hour drive from Sossousvlei up to Swakopmund ... a town that sounds like something you might bring up after a long coughing fit .... and frankly as we were soon to find out - is pretty much as appealing .....

Several long hours later .... and minus one hub cap thanks to peter's speed stunts .... we limped into Swakop .... a small greasy and rather grey town on the coast of namibia ..... according to the hype - apparently THE summer activity resort and a town that has resolutely stuck to its German origins (founded back when Germany had an African colonial presence) ..... a bit like a small slice of Bavaria transplanted into the wilds ....

First stop - our B&B on the beach .... which was shaped like a boat .... clearly the German sense of humour hasn't been a trait that was selected out over the years .... not wanting to spend too much time on board - we then ventured out into the town to find the craic in this holiday town ....and were met instead by raher doleful streets .... and restaurants that if i walked in first would have no tables ... and yet if peter or corey walked in - suddenly vacancies would arise .... we all agreed - the place was cold and vile .... and even the very yummy wheat beer (Erdinger Wiessbier - wholehertedly recommend) that we used all night to lift our spirits didn't redeem the nastiness .....

The next day - we raced out of there as soon as we could ... and headed to nearby Walvis Bay ... made famous by the fact that Brangelina sat out their pregnancy and delivered here .... small coastal town surrounded by gossamer pillowy sand dunes and flocks of rather smelly flamingoes .... but apparently according to the guidebooks - a hub for all activity sports aiming to become the Victoria Falls of Namibia ... just without the waterfall ..... hmmmm ......

We soon found what we were looking forward .... three dune bikes .... one guy to lead us .... and a sequence of private dunes all to ourselves unadulterated by any other tourists ..... perfect for our ever-sociable corey ....

Now i'll admit ... at first it took some time to figure out how to change the gears on the damn bike .... and i'll admit that i got stuck multiple times in the sand whilst the chaps zoomed around and over dunes like ninjas .... but once i got the hang of it .... we were speeding around like giddy schoolgirls .... and then .... we came to the Big Dunes with the Vertical Drops .... and i started remembering all the promises i'd made to my mum to not do anything dangerous when in africa (!) .... and all the patients i'd seen with broken limbs .... but there was nowhere to go but down and with eyes half closed and too scared even to scream ..... i followed the guys down (who later admitted they'd also been scared witless and had assumed i'd never make it .... clearly my fearless reputation is only in my head) .....

It was an awesome experience - and we put Peter on a plane back to CT at Walvis Bay - all our boy-racer fantasies happily realised ..... we only needed to speed away as fast as possible from the Afro-Germans ... and onwards .....

Namibia Part 1 - The Big Empty ....

When my mate Corey first made tentative enquiries about travelling around Africa this summer ... i sent him a 6 week plan that would have rivalled Livingstone's adventures .... but rather selfishly made sure I included all the bits that I wanted to travel to as well ..... and rather fortuitously - on the basis of his law firm advance - he decided to take my word for it ... and embarked upon his own re-colonisation of africa journey ....

I decided to join him for the middle bit .... and in typical fashion managed to convince a few others that it would be in their very best interests to come along with us .... Peter from cape town for the first four days (all part of my very cunning plan btw ... on which more later .... but lets just say i'm the new cupid) ... and then Ami all the way from london for the second four days .... frankly anything and anyone so that corey didn't tire of my company and fling me out into the desert ....

Our schedule was hectic (see blue line on the map) .... 8 days to traverse huge distances that most people do over at least two weeks .... on a tight-ish budget ... and in a two-wheel drive against all advice to only use a proper 4-wheel drive (our budget and my abhorrence of SUVs precluding us getting anything more substantial than a small VW polo) .... speaking of the two wheel care hire - amazingly when we arrived in windhoek to pick up our car that we'd booked with the super-dooper all inclusive uber coverage .... they then asked us if we wanted to purchase the additional wheel, window and hub-cap insurance ... apparently in namibia - these bits aren't recognised as actually part of the car ... and so need to be covered separately (what a scam! we thought) .... however - for any of you thinking of doing this trip - after our two punctures, four hub-cap losses, countless window chips and under-carriage GBH (caused by Corey - not me!) .... buying the extra insurance was probably the best decision of the whole trip .... so just a bit of advice ....

So firstly the common bits ... namibia is HUGE ... and very dusty (natch - being one big lump of desert) .... and the roads are a pile of pants - being either sand, gravel or the worst - made up of small and very sharp rocks that embed in your tire and then rip it to shreds .... the boys taught me that driving when your car is out of control is FUN .... but that when faced with a daily drive of 6 hours for 8 days - you need more than one ipod ....

Our adventures started in Soussousvlei - the classic Namibian landscape .... gorgeous flame-coloured dunes .... smoky Namib-Naukluft mountains in the hazy background ... but instead of the desolation and loneliness we were seeking - we found queues to climb the dunes (prompting Corey "I want my own private dune ... I'm not sharing") .... and foreign tourists galore ....

However nothing could take away from the magic of the desert and especially the incredible "other-ness" Dead Vlei - or Dead Lake .... apparently the site of a lake many hundreds of years ago where the trees although also dead are preserved because of the total lack of moisture in the air (not helped however by the water bottles we found stuffed in one of the tree trunks by some idiot git tourist ... ) ..... making it almost a place of total Un-Life .... surrounding by monster towering dunes protecting it from any chance of growing things invading and restoring nature ....



That evening - we took some ATV quad bikes though the more mountainous bits .... which contrary to what the boys will say - i was fast at .... but just not as carelessly speedy as them ... and watched one of many great African sunsets (I'm not sure what it is - but nowhere does the sun set as spectacularly as in Africa) .....

But the other highlight of being in Sossousvlei was an amazing hot-air balloon ride at dawn .... watching the sun rise over the dunes - just indescribably breathtakingly joyously beautiful .... deserving of some lyricism that i'm certainly not capable of - the sort of scenes you just gasp at .... and want to hold in your mind forever .....

Freshly Grown ....

About 4 months ago - I posted about an amazing a group of women who supported HIV infected neighbours in their squatter camp .... and to whom i had given the last few rand in my pocket to in order to help them with their small garden .....

To be honest .... of late - my idealism about giving money away has been beaten down by some hard-gained hard-nosed scepticism .... after two years in this country - i assumed that the cash would have probably been used to buy more than a few rounds of drinks down at the local shebeen ... and if not several bags of tik to smoke ... frankly anything to make the poverty and misery less overwhelming ....

And so when Pauline, one of the women involved in the project, gave me a call last weekend muttering that something was a problem and that i needed to come to the camp urgently ... my heart sank .... by chance i was in the area .... and so reluctantly i agreed ..... i hid most of my cash away, backed up my computer, left my valuables at home (this is after all south africa) .... and journeyed nervously out into the informal settlement .... expecting the very worst ....

Instead .... I was met with much giggling from the assembled women - pleased that they'd set me up .... and after the prerequisite singing - they proudly led me to their neat happy rows of green .... nicely fenced off .... interspersed with watering bins and garden tools ....

The women's group had taken their little garden and turned it into a mini-vegetable farm .... and more importantly they were turning in quite the profit for their support group members ..... they had just wanted to show just how well and how much they'd done on the paltry 500 rand ....

I was ecstatic for them ... and rather ashamed for me ..... clearly you can spend too long in a place and start to become far too cynical ....

They wouldn't take any more money (more to salve my conscience really) .... and they wouldn't take no for an answer - and so I left with my arms piled high with cabbages, sugar beet and spinach .... and with my loot - i made the best veggie curry ever .... there's clearly nothing like the taste of goodness ....

Having my bones thrown ...

Its been a tough few months for me recently with lots of upheaval ... and the last few weeks have been especially rather hectic - planning my departure from SA, almost getting chucked out of my house by an evil landlady (and then leaving anyway), killing my liver with the Harvard/KSG boys in Namibia ... and the list goes on ...

If i'd been in London or in Boston ... i'd have booked myself into a spa, had a massage ... perhaps drunk a few bottles of wine ... well .. i've done a lot of that here too ... but i figured ... since i didn't have a normal doctor here in Cape Town (and yes - i know that i am one ... but i knew i didn't have an infectious disease ....) .... i would go to an African doctor - a Sangoma ....

Now Sangomas have a bad rep in the HIV NGO community ... most of our patients consult traditional healers before they seek a medical opinion ... and often mix muti (essentially plant and animal bits) with their ARVs ... which makes an awful mess as you can imagine .... and we "normal" doctors have been guilty of demonising their efforts and role in the fight against AIDS ...

Added to that several have been convicted recently of kidnapping and killing children for various essential components of witches brew ..... and so .... i chickened out a bit of the whole authentic experience ... and found myself a white sangoma instead .... i claimed so that language wouldn't be a problem and a white healer would explain any cultural differences to me .... but really it was so that i didn't have to sacrifice a goat or drink ground up baby bits ....

Julia the Sangoma - couldn't have been nicer .... true she did have her special healing hut (or Ndumba) and she did wear the traditional gall bladder of the goat that was sacrificed at her initiation ceremony .... but she explained everything fabulously .... and was suitably understanding about my being an allopathic doctor ....

So we sat on an animal hide (? goat) mat .... sent out smoke to honour our ancestors .... and she threw my bones .... interpreted my dreams (even though to be fair i didn't remember any) ... and told me about my life ..... i can't tell you what she actually said - thats between me and my ancestors apparently - but she gave me some very sound advice as well as lots of very african perspectives on very western woes .... and then she grated, sieved, chopped and chanted over some muti to help me .... just to reassure any squeamish ones amongst you - all in the form of baths .... with no blood no sacrifice no animals (at least none that i could see moving) and certainly no human bits ....

I tried the first treatment today .... it looked a bit like a science experiment ... and smelt - well - like a biology experiment .... so am keeping my fingers crossed that nothing too untoward happens .... the second treatment to be taken at the full moon is a protective spell ... i may be a crass sceptical western doctor .... but i kind of like the idea that i have African spirits watching over me too ....

Unjustifiable Firing ...

Apologies .... this is old news really (my excuse - I've been away in Namibia - which was quite the news/internet black hole) ... but the ripples from the very shameful sacking of our deputy minister for health Nozizwe Madlala Routledge continue to reverberate strongly throughout South Africa ...

About a year ago - I was at a debate at the University of Cape Town - when Ms Madlala-Routledge was finally able to step out of the shadows and gagging orders placed on her for years by Mad Mantu (our Health Minister .. aka Dr Beetroot/Garlic/Anything but ARVs) .... she spoke on a platform with Zackie Achmat (of TAC) openly criticising the misguided stance and policy of denialism of the SA National government on the issue of HIV ... it was the first time any government minister had broken ranks with President Mbeki on this subject .... the entire audience gave her a rapturous reception acknowledging the momentous speech she had bravely given .... Zackie openly praised her saying that individuals like Nozizwe were the reason that he (against all criticism) remained a member of the ANC ... warning that further attempts to stifle her would seriously destabilise south african democracy ....

In the months that followed - she took advantage of the fact that Mad Mantu was having a liver transplant (scandal! for alcohol-induced liver failure).... and she became the main driving force behind the first sensible South African 5-year plan to roll out antiretroviral therapy across the country .... all of us in the HIV-NGO community rejoiced .... finally the country seemed to be coming to its senses ....

Sadly ... perhaps even typically ... in response to her passion and courage ... Mbeki chose to fire Nozizwe a couple of weeks ago (on Women's Day no less) ... allegedly for attending a conference in Madrid without permission (even though just a year ago the Deputy President flew to Dubai on a junket using a presidential jet ... for which she wasn't even reprimanded) .... but there's no doubt she's been binned for not toeing the party line and going head to head with Mbeki/Mantu (whose shadowy husband is perhaps one of the most powerful men in SA - and allegedly rules the country from behind the scenes) and the rest of the ANC inner circle cabal ....

There are many injustices about the firing of Madlala-Routledge .... however the most concerning is that in a country where over 1000 people die every day from HIV/AIDS - President Mbeki has yet again put a question mark over his government's commitment to fighting HIV and the AIDS treatment plan that Madlala-Routledge championed ... thus potentially denying the right to life for a large proportion of our population ....

The following petition was put together by Zackie and the TAC ...

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/3/support-for-nozizwe-madlala-routledge

Battle at Kruger

Some of you may have seen this already .... but its just reached us here ...... incredible!

Its all about sex baby ....

Excuse my geekishness .... but it was fascinating week for AIDS in the news this week ... with two stories in the two of the biggest media players in the world ... telling almost opposite stories ....

The New York Times published a piece dramatically entitled Plague of Nations reviewing a recently published book (The Invisible Cure by Helen Epstein) ... which highlights the work of an American researcher - Maxine Ankrah - who had investigated in the sexual behaviour of Ugandans in the late 80s and 90s ... and found the cause for the precipitous drop in HIV rates in Uganda ... namely that Ugandans had stopped having affairs and remained faithful to their partners .... President Museveni had called for a "zero-grazing" approach to sex ... and hey presto .... Uganda became the HIV prevention world's poster-child country .... and PEPFAR's main stick to beat countries into abstinence submission ..... and of course the donor funds pored in ....

Epstein then makes the point that some (dopey) UN AIDS researcher ... apparently misunderstood Ankrah's work ... and wrongfully attributed the Ugandan miracle to increased condom use (just imagine!!) .... and then used this misguided conclusion to set global policy of promoting condoms (and thereby more sex!) around the world ....(inevitably as with all US media sources - the bungling UN gets relatively short shrift ....)

Now - the NYT/author of the Invisible cure don't want to sound racist here .... and acknowledge that it is not that Africans are shagging voraciously around the continent (there has to be something to do after the sun goes down right? ... when there's no telly) .... and the article quotes recent studies that have shown that Africans do not have more sex or even more sex partners than people in other parts of the world .... yessiree ... those blacks are apparently NOT out there shagging everything that moves (whatever those hip hop videos or white supremacist pamphlets tell us) .... in fact (according to my mate Tim who studies this ... a phd in sex ... ) the average number of sexual partners over a lifetime is pretty much equivalent across the world .... at 6 .... (high? low?!!)

But instead - the crux of all this is that - Africans are more likely to have concurrent relationships (ie have sex with more than one person at the same time .... naughty naughty ) .... which tend to be associated with less condom use and more risky sex ..... whereas in America apparently - these lifetime 6 partners are more likely to occur one after another sequentially ... and serial monogamy is associated with lower risks of HIV transmission .... even if they don't use condoms ....

The Take Home Message - Abstinence and Being Faithful are the key to preventing HIV (and hence the invisible cure ... geddit?) ... which sounds scarily anthemic of PEPFAR ....

In sharp contrast .... the BBC ran a piece essentially declaring abstinence programmes ineffective in stopping "risky sexual behaviours", following the publication of a study from Oxford in the British Medical Journal. Hmmmm .......

This study's message was that if promotion of abstinence in developed countries did not stop sexually transmitted infections or pregnancies - then it follows that such programmes have even less chance of working in developing countries where people have even less choice or control over sexual decision making ... and hence are pretty rubbish at preventing the spread of HIV.

The Brit media did not hold back in making a few pointed jibes at the US and the PEPFAR ideology of abstinence (condoms, needle exchanges, safe practices for prostitutes etc are all subjects non grata in the wonderful world of PEPFAR) ....

The accompanying editorial in BMJ went further .... and highlighted that whereas abstinence only programmes had largely failed - interventions promoting condoms had been hugely successful when targeted appropriately .... suggesting sarcastically that the US prioritises such interventions for its own specific populations where HIV transmission is amongst the highest in the world (blacks, hispanics, prisons, druggies, Men-who-have-sex-with-men etc) ....

Ouch ... is this the end of the US-UK special relationship? Has the Beeb become anti-american? Since when has the NYT been a government ideology mouth piece?

What it does highlight however is quite how politicised this pandemic was, is and will continue to be. Interestingly - Human Rights Watch - an organisation with a pretty good reputation (and - predictably - not the Bush regime's favourite NGO) published a report in 2005 urging Uganda to resist the US-driven anti-condom agenda condemning the false morality of its basis and requesting that future interventions be based on real science. The articles published this week show yet again how hard it is to find science or reporting that is unadulterated or unbiased .... and how little we have progressed ....

Getting rid of Mugabe ....

On my monthly jaunt to Edendale hospital this week .... I met some rather lovely Zimbabwean doctors .... and as one story led to another ... I mentioned my tale of trying to seduce Mugabe's personal physician to bump him off quietly ... and we spent the rest of the evening wondering about the various ways that Zim might be able to rid itself of its national-saviour-gone bad .....

On the eve of Zim's last election (2005) - the very brave Bishop of Bulawayo (Pius Ncube) admitted he'd prayed hard for the death of Mugabe in order to end the suffering of Zimbabweans .... not what you'd expect from a man of the cloth (just imagine the Archbishop of Canterbury wishing ill-fate on Tony Blair) .... but clearly God wasn't in the mood to listen then or now ..... since sadly the 83 year old looks in truly rude health (unlike the rest of his countrymen who can only expect to live to ripe age of 38) .... and capable certainly of fighting the next "election" .....

Succession seems unlikely since he hasn't actually even chosen a successor within the Zanu PF party - but in all likelihood - anyone else who heads Zim with his blessing won't be anymore than a grotesque puppet (he was apparently thinking of installing an ex-girlfriend as the next leader - a woman with the rather charming nom de guerre of Spill Blood) ....

People power sadly is also unlikely to dislodge him .... only a few of these African "Big Men" leaders have ever gone willing or peacefully .... true democratic handovers of power remain rare here ..... and military coups are seemingly the traditional african method of succession .... associated with the prerequisite bloodletting and ensuing civil wars, tribalism and rebel conflicts ..... which also (thankfully) is probably not going to be the case for for Zim (the security system is too tightly controlled by Zanu PF .... and Mugabe has definitely been adept at greasing the right palms within the country) ....

All our opinions that night agreed on one point - that we were all keeping our fingers (nay all appendages) crossed .... that South Africa would finally abandon its position of quiet diplomacy and general lap-dog-ness to leverage its influence on Mugabe ....... and that this would only be possible if the tide of public opinion here started to turn ....

Only three months before the last Zim election - the New African magazine ran a poll of the 100 greatest Africans of all time .... rather predictably - Nelson Mandela came top and Kwame Nkrumah came second .... but horrifically Robert Mugabe romped home in third place .... ahead lets be clear of Desmond Tutu, Sam Nujoma (Namibia), Wole Soyinka, Joaquim Chissano or Samora Machel (Mozambique), King Shaka and so on ... it would be laughable if it wasn't so tragic ....

Thankfully - two years or so on .... the veil of Mugabe as the Pan-African Hero has been dropped .... perhaps his abuses of human rights regardless of skin-colour have started to destroy his image as anti-imperialist warrior against the anglo-american conspiracy to keep the black man down .... or perhaps Zimbabweans have learnt that they mustn't die silently like the Darfurians and instead leaders like Tsvingirai have started to use media better ..... for somehow the stance of Mbeki is now being openly derided .... and other African leaders such as Ghana's John Kufour or Zambia's Patrick Mwanawasa have started to question the continent's silence ....

As Zimbabweans flood into South Africa .... and as the crisis in Zim starts to damage South Africa socially, politically and economically .... the general man on the south african street is finally starting to question both his own national leadership and the leadership of the seeming paradigm revolution against the white man ....

Everyone here is talking about Zim .... and for once - open criticism is being voiced without a fear of being labelled a traitor to the black cause .... it is quite a monumental change ..... it could be the legacy that Mbeki is so desperately seeking before the end of his term in office .... and the incomparable Desmond Tutu perhaps said it best .....

We Africans should hang our heads in shame ..... How can what is happening in Zimbabwe elicit hardly a word of concern, let alone condemnation from us leaders of Africa?

A Pale Native ....

When all of us foreigners arrive in South Africa ... the one thing we are all intensely fascinated by is essentially - What It was like - you know - Before the Change ...

When you see black people - you want to hear about how hard it was under apartheid, how they struggled, what made them want to fight ....

When you see white people - you want to know how they could have lived through apartheid committing/watching the injustices, whether they did anything to rage against the machine .... and importantly what it feels like now ....

What you find eventually is that few people are honest, few people satisfy what you want to know and frankly few people really want to talk about it ....

And so ... we all have to turn to reading everything we can get our hands on to understand a bit better .... the books that everyone knows about - Rian Malan's My Traitors Heart, The Bang Bang Club (about a group of young photojournalists during the township wars), classics such as Alan Paton's Cry My Beloved Country or anything by Nadime Gordimer .... and of course - everyone's favourite door stop - Nelson's Mandela's autobiography .... and the list for anyone thinking of visiting could go on and on ....Steve Biko, Ahmed Kathrada Antjie Krog, Desmond Tutu etc etc ...

But for me the most honest, riveting and my favourite of all so far has been the memoirs of the "rogue" journalist Max du Preez's - Pale Native .... someone who was openly admired and thanked by Mandela yet who also managed to be avowed adversary of both the old apartheid government and the new Mbeki regime .... his writing is delicious and completely honest ....

Max du Preez is particularly special because he set up the first Afrikaans anti-apartheid newspaper Vrye Weekblad (his aim apparently to wrest the language of Afrikaans away from clutches of apartheid) .... for which he was rewarded with a bombing, two assassination attempts and permanent residence on the hitlists of right-wing groups ....

He and his merry band of reporters (including interestingly Jacques du Pauw whose memoir Dances with Devils is also a cracking read ... and Helen Zille - ex Black Sash, ex MP for Khayelitsha township, and current Mayor of Cape Town and head of the Democratic Alliance - the only real opposition party in SA) more than any other journalists brought the real guts and nastiness stories of apartheid South Africa to the homes of white south africans (at least those who were open to reading about it) .... yet he's also honest about dealing with flip-side of what they fought to overthrow - and he writes openly about what its like now for white afrikaaner males in the process of "transformation" - essentially being bottom of every desirability totem pole ....

But what i really love about this book .... is whilst almost everything else i've read on Africa and the many global meddling hands in its many conflicts - has made me want to slit my wrists whilst fitting a car exhaust pipe to my mouth .... reading Max du Preez makes me almost joyful .... because you're left knowing that however many George Bushes or FW de Klerks or Tony Blairs there are in this world doing their best to manipulate and obfuscate .... he and other investigative journalists like him are out there remaining difficult, ornery and uncompromising .... doing everything they can to dig out the truth and convince us to read it ....

Good ... Bad ... or Ugly .... Development Games ....

I met with an old prof of mine from HSPH a couple of nights ago ... who was telling me about a dinner he'd had the night before with a colleague in Rwanda .... somewhat lubricated they embarked on the sort of game that you could never have in more politically correct company .... a sort of development rock- paper - scissors ... only this was "fucked - hopeful - either way" for the countries of the continent ....

Some of course were easy .... Somalia, Sudan, Ethiopia, DRC, Congo, Chad .... i'm betting no soothsayers or forecasters are putting any money on them ....

Others were deemed hopeful but only with a string of ifs and buts .... eg Botswana (if it can start to control its HIV crisis), Zambia (if the ghost of Kaunda's benevolent socialism policies can be exorcised), Tanzania .... interestingly - they included Zimbabwe on this list ... if of course anyone can ever get rid of Mugabe ...

The either way countries were also interesting .... South Africa (if the ANC can realise they are no longer a protest party ... and if they realise they belong to the test of africa) .... Kenya (if electoral corruption and tribalism can be controlled), Uganda,

My mates and I been geekily entranced by this game ever since .... with hot and heavy arguments with much wine over the fate of the continent .... but according to the NYT (see below) .... rather worryingly many Africans don't share our concerns ....

Africa satisfied?

There was an interesting piece in the NYT yesterday on the opinions of Africans polled in 10 different Sub Saharan countries .... according to Lynda Polgreen .... Despite a thicket of troubles, from deadly illnesses like AIDS and malaria to corrupt politicians and deep-seated poverty, a plurality of Africans say they are better off today than they were five years ago and are optimistic about their future and that of the next generation ....

Now whilst i hate it when foreigners prophesise doom and gloom for the continent .... and i find stereotypes of Africa as a backward, war-ravaged continent of famines and disaster deeply offensive .... i have to admit that Africa is indeed quite a lot like that in many many places .... and so i am totally flabbergasted that apparently the majority of those surveyed were apparently satisfied with their national governments and their economic situation .....

A continent which answers for the majority of the world's poorest nations .... where foreign aid props up many a government .... and where images of starvation, water shortages and disease are an everyday reality .....

Satisfied with their governments??!! What about the strikes here recently in SA? Or the fact that several African countries have seen their GDPs slide ever downwards since independence (Zambia, Zimbabwe, Lesotho, Swaziland to name but a a few ....) .... Or the fact that aside from a few countries such as Botswana - elections can barely be held without violence, allegations of vote rigging and panoramic corruption ....

And that's not even starting to mention the crippling burdens of HIV, TB, Malaria and the list goes on and on .... The fact that even if the cure for AIDS was as simple as half a glass of clean water - we still wouldn't be able to supply it to all of Africa - is simply criminal on behalf of all African governments .....

Perhaps people are unwilling to admit to the failings or their loss of hope in their own governments .... and need to believe that things will somehow get better ..... perhaps there is still some remaining trust that post-independence - governments made of their own people need to be given more time to fulfill all the promises made at independence .... I however am just gobsmacked ....

All these "Africans" coming here ....

I was chatting to some black south african friends in Durban as we cruised the beach strip at night .... passing some guys dealing drugs and pimping girls ....

Ag those Nigerians .... said Themba ...
Always causing crime here .... agreed Zanele .... they're just a huge nuisance and we should send them all back ....

I protested .... the Nigerians at home in England are often the most educated Africans I meet .... wonderful people .... the crime here can't be all due to Nigerians ....

Themba nodded .... They are educated .... its why they do all the white collar crimes like email frauds, counterfeiting, drugs etc ..... they don't bother with petty things ....

Now given that SA seems to be setting world records for crime stats .... I pushed on ...... So who commits all the other crimes - the rapes, the muggings, the aggravated burglaries, the murders? .... trying to get them to admit that black SA has a real problem here ....

Quick as a flash Zanele replied ..... Yebo sis - that's not due to the Nigerians - that's all the fault of those bloody Mozambiquans and Zimbabweans .....

One of things I still fail to get my head around is the fact that despite being physically present at the tip of this great land mass .... South Africa is having to be led kicking and screaming to the table of the African continent (although i see that the table probably isn't piled high with tasty goodies and just sure-fire disasters) ..... President Mbeki has tried hard through agencies such as NEPAD and sending troops to conflict areas like Darfur .... and has been a strong advocate of the AU/OAU etc etc (probably angling for his next job) ..... but its often made him more unpopular at home .... and the bottom line remains that most black south africans aren't very interested in their neighbours to the north ...... and actually prefer to have nothing to do with them at all ....

The whites interestingly maintain a much more enterprising relationship with the rest of the continent ... with white-owned south african malls, cinemas, shops etc sprouting up all over africa .... yet still many look first to Europe - esp Holland or the UK - as their closest relatives .... the Indians here ... despite being several generations removed from the motherland ... still keep that identity strong (and many other global-indian foibles ... for instance all the indians here also concrete over their gardens and fail to remove the plastic from the remote control and worry about marrying a tamil girl marrying a telegu girl .... even though none of them can speak even a smidgeon of either language) and are now gingerly venturing back to sub-continental villages long-forgotten and relatives long-lost as part tourists part culture seekers (although none thankfully do that african-american thing of kissing the ground as soon as they arrive in the land of their ancestors ....) ... more on this another post ....

You'd think that after apartheid - the blacks in SA would be overjoyed to welcome other Africans into their country .... many of these nations stood in protest against the apartheid regime ... boycotting the Olympics when white countries that had toured the pariah state were participating .... penning protest songs .... and harbouring ANC exiles and training cells .... but in fact .... its been quite the opposite - the resentment at the influx of Africans from other countries into SA is quite extreme ....

One of my Nigerian friends here told me that he thought under apartheid the whites had told blacks that they were lucky to be allowed to live in houses and have education because the rest of Africa was still out hunting in the bush and sleeping in trees .... and so when they found out that actually the rest of black Africa had been governing itself (albeit in the loosest possible sense) - they felt in some way hard done by and resentful of the other blacks for having a sort of head start on them .... now bear in mind ... this is a Nigerian speaking .... not known for being the best loved africans anyhow anywhere in the continent (Peter the GBF was in Burkina Faso on a project .... and was discussing perhaps doing some work in Nigeria .... when the Burkinabe crinkled his face in disgust ..... "You could never pay me enough to work in that place" he stated emphatically ..... a pretty big statement given that Burkina Faso is one of the world's poorest and mosr under developed nations ....)

But papers in SA are filled with stories of hate crimes against refugee Somalis (again admittedly not everyone's favourite africans) who come to the townships, set up shop, make their family members work all hours god sends and do so remarkably well (for which they get stoned, burned or harrassed out) ..... in Cape Town - Congolese (once more - perhaps not the best national reputation for honesty) refugees stay 10 to a room in nicer parts of town rather than stay in the black townships for safety reasons and also because the residents have a nasty habit of torching their homes and businesses ..... the refugees think its because black south africans feel only they deserve the all the breaks associated with being black .... and that other black people doing well just highlights the fact that south africans are lazy, content to work little and blame apartheid for their woes and foster a culture of entitlement .... not much love lost between any of them .... African xenophobia is alive and kicking bewilderingly hard ....

Happy Birthday Madiba ....

Everyone's favourite South African turned 89 today ... and the whole nation celebrated for him ... its things like this that make me adore living in South Africa ... can you ever imagine a British PM inducing national and global festivities?

How God must love South Africa to have given us such a priceless gift! joked Archbishop Tutu at the party - himself a close contender for the same national title ....

Madiba (or Nelson Mandela to most of us) - whose face was a banned image in SA during his 27 years in prison - so much so that Asimbonanga (Mandela) ("we have not seen him") became one of Johnny Clegg's (the White Zulu) most famous protest songs (as an aside - interestingly - i just read that it was the CIA that ratted out Mandela and the others who stood at the Rivonia trial ... clearly the fight against communism did not preclude the US from getting into bed with apartheid fascists) .... Mandela became then, now remains and will hopefully continue to be for years to come - an living icon for peace (despite his leading the MK or the armed wing of the ANC during the struggle), of hope for Black Africa, and a symbol of freedom and equality ....

And whilst he can be criticised for not addressing the issue of AIDS early or robustly enough in South Africa ... and also for not bringing Mugabe into line .... there is no doubt that since relinquishing power in 1999 after his one term in office (remarkably guiding south africa through a peaceful transition into multicoloured democracy) ... Madiba has continued to use his considerable influence and his icon status to combat illiteracy, HIV and poverty in Africa .... as his closing statement at the 1964 Rivonia trial laid out ....

During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to the struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.

This year however ... perhaps aware of his increasing fraility .... he chose to forego the annual festivities and football match staged in his honour in Cape Town (Africa vs Rest of the World - with many retired superstars playing to show their respects ... natch ending in a draw) ... and instead inaugurated possibly the most exclusive and special club in the world .... "The Elders" ....

Aimed somewhere between a "Council of Wisemen for the World" and a collective "Global Moral Conscience" ... and very cleverly striking a universal cultural chord .... the Elders aim to be untrammelled by economic, political or geographic pettiness ... their opinions having weight purely by their own histories and achievements .... their ability to meddle supported by their collective wisdom ...

Other members of the elite group include Mandela's wife Graca Machel (herself an avid campaigner for children's rights and ex wife of the ex leader of Mozambique) ..... Archbishop Desmond Tutu ....... Jimmy Carter .... Kofi Annan ...... Ella Bhatt (founder of SEWA International) ..... Gro Harlem Brundtland (former Norwegian Prime Minister and ex head of WHO) ........ Mary Robinson (former Irish President and ex UN High Commissioner for Human Rights) ...... and Muhammad Yunus (head of the Grameen Bank - the pioneer for microcredit) ...... a seat was also kept symbolically empty for Aung San Siu Kyi (still under house arrest in Myanmar/Burma) ........ amongst them i counted at least 6 Nobel Peace prizes ....

According to Mandela - The Elders will support courage where there is fear, foster agreement where there is conflict and inspire hope where there is despair .....

It sounds like the best birthday present he could have ever given us ....

In the Bleak Mid-Winter

A couple of my doctor colleagues here and I have been asked to go to Zimbabwe next week to teach on an HIV course (interestingly one of the few countries in Africa that seem to be making some headway against the pandemic) ... I'm gutted that I can't make it (even if I'd been allowed into the country)... but the other two who can go - have been beset with requests for bread, loo roll, washing up liquid, frankly anything .... all from Drs attending the teaching who despite having decent jobs and a good education ... are totally unable to make ends meet or get their hands on basic commodities ....

I'm amazed that Zimbabwean Drs even have the time to be taught about HIV ... I'd assumed they had the daily horrors of just getting by to focus on .... current scenes from Harare to Bulawayo show people camping out at the few shops that have folded to Mugabe's request to freeze prices (before which my Zim friends told me - prices would go up at least twice a day ...) .... news reports show empty shelves and people hoarding - terrified of when the next price increase will be ....

The country is truly in total free-fall ... inflation has surpassed the incredible and is now merely an organic monster-number that keeps growing zeroes on its tail by the day .... life expectancy continues to plummet (average life expectancy now is below 40) ... children starve .... and the human (rights) catastrophe continues .... disgracefully without any decent censure from the one country that could actually make a difference .... It's a very bleak winter in Zim .....

Whilst I was in Kigali ... I found myself at dinner sitting next to one of the delegation from Zimbabwe ..... a very well-padded gentleman with wandering hands which once slapped down revealed a healthy sense of humour and cynicism .... of course he found himself the focus of all conversation .... we all wanted to know - how bad it really was (well - you know ... life has always been hard in africa) .... how people were managing (our people survived the whites .... at least now we rule ourselves - how can we not survive when we rule ourselves) .... and how widespread the terror or tortures and beatings and imprisonments were (well ... you know Mr Tsvangirai must just stop making trouble - what else could we do with him? Is your Mr Blair any different? Is Bush not doing the same thing) .... and so on ....

Despite his apologist answers - you could tell that this doctor clearly didn't believe a word he was saying .... and so emboldened by a few local brews - I pressed on with what I believed had to be the answer to everything:

So is it true Mr Mugabe is so crazy because he has tertiary syphilis? ....

He almost fell off his chair laughing .... and reassured me that as a member of his team of personal physicians - Mr Mugabe was in fighting fit health .....

Damn .... I said .... have you never been tempted just to slip him something ... perhaps a little injection .... and just save the whole country from its misery?

He stopped short .... and very clearly thought about it .... and then grinned ... Maybe one day .... he said and his eyes glinted suggestively .... what would you give me for it?

Another year ... another birthday ...

Maybe its the only child in me that feels the need to celebrate birthdays ... but given that i'm now at an age where most people would rather forget they've become a year older - i've compromised on having just a b-day week rather than insisting on celebrating all month ... so it was all rather fortuitous that my friends jay and bindee chose to share their honeymoon with us in south africa ... legitimising all the fun i wanted to have ...

On the actual day ... i had a relatively muted event ... dinner with a few mates at a rather lovely restaurant overlooking crashing waves ... the waiter informed us that less than an hour before - James Bond had been sitting at our table filming his latest movie .... he was apparently now safely ensconced in the penthouse suite of the attached boutique hotel .... sadly his security guards were unmoved by my pleas that birthday kiss from the delicious Mr Craig would make my day - perhaps even year - complete ....

But then under the pretext of needing somewhere to drink the large bottle of Oban that Peter had given me as a pressie (needless to say - i didn't receive a single non-alcohol related present ... birds of a feather ...) - we all decided to go away for the weekend ...

Kersefontein has been singled out as one of the world's 5 top luxury farm stays .... promising that "This is one of the most authentic, unusual experiences to be had in the country -- to be hosted by what is effectively a South African aristocrat in his beautiful Cape Dutch farmstead, a national monument." We were excited .... not least because the dinners there are so famous in CT that people drive up from the city allegedly just for the company .....

We arrived after several stops at the wine farms en route .... to this gorgeous old rambling farm .... on the banks of a river seemingly trapped in a glorious and rather romantic time warp - i felt like a heroine on a film set .... just waiting for the waggon trail to come in ....

We watched the sunset ... played with pigs ... chased cows and peter tried to smuggle some cats ... we ogled the farmhands heaving bales of hay .... and drank more ..... before heading through to the main event of the whole weekend .... the much vaunted dinner .....

We walked in a little awed by the whole place (for instance on the way to the grand dining room you pass the skull of the last Berg River hippo - shot by the first owner in 1876 after it bit his servant) .... the current owner fancies himself as a bit of a Renaissance man - his business card reads ‘Farmer, Pig-killer, Aviator and Advocate of the High Court of S.A.’ He was a rather eccentric host .... in order to aid intermingling - he seated us all at dinner .... and then plied us heavily with wines from his cellar ... before producing a huge roasted wild boar ... shot just hours before in the wilds of the west coast .... nothing like a bit of hunt and chase to make meat delicious ...

I wish I could say the dinner was a huge success .... but really its just made me learn that i shouldn't take my friends out in public AND let them drink at the same time .... Shaun managed to pick a fight with some idiot sitting opposite him .... Peter was fending off advances from some woman who seemed to have forgotten to put her bra on that evening .... and poor Jay whilst sitting next to his new wife .... found himself between a couple who clearly thought we'd all put our car keys in a bowl at the end of the night and swop beds ... and spent the evening controlling both his admirers and placating the fuming Bindee ....

The dinner rounded off by the very camp Julian trying in vain to lead a sing-song around his piano .... but the darkies were having none of it .... and Jay was living in terror at what fate might befall him if he stayed too long .... and so we crept off to our own fireplace and had our own late night whiskey-fun .... and rather shamefully - thats where my memory ends .... the bottles the next day pointed to a great night .... its clearly the one thing good about getting older - you know whose company you prefer ....

Don't want to sound racist ....

I went in yesterday to report my car crash to the ghetto car rental that i get my hapless car from ... its run by a 70 year old cartoon character called John Day ... an old school wheeler-dealer - who guarantees some of the lowest prices in town provided you don't ask too persistently about where the cars came from ... or where the hub caps went ... or what some of the dodgy stains are ... i think you get the picture ....

However - Mr Day loves me since I throw in a free medical consult whenever I go to see him .... checking his blood pressure, his hearing aid, his pills etc .... and was very sympathetic and paternal at my horrid story .... he started writing the claim form for me .... and asked for a description of the crazy suicidal running man ....

"Well - I didn't get a good look at him - he was a young black male .... tattered clothes ... unkempt ... came out of the trees ..."

"Er - my dear .... how can we write this so we don't sound so racist? How about saying a native ran out of the bush?" ...... !!!


PS Thank you so much to all of you nice people that have phoned, commented, emailed etc after my very plaintive post .... am feeling much more chipper .... and very loved!

Someone was smiling on me ....

Being far from home gallivanting around the world sounds very glamorous ... and is certainly fun and games for a while .... but sometimes things happen to put it all into perspective .....

I was in a car accident today ... a rather scary one at that .... and i'm still thanking any and every lucky star in the universe that I'm not another one of Africa's horrible RTA statistics (second only to HIV as a killer of young adults) ...

There was I happily cruising down the 3 lane highway that hugs the mountainside driving into town (yes - cape town is that gorgeous with big mountain plopped in the middle of a city surrounded by sea ... the view from my back garden!) .... when some guy ran out from the bushes on the mountain straight into my lane .... now i've been in SA long enough to be stupidly reactive (read paranoid) to potential car jacking situations ... so i swerved madly to my left (ie away from his trajectory) to avoid him .... whereupon he turned and ran towards my swerve (!!) .... now convinced he was trying to get my car (which is truly such a ghetto-mobile that my response should have been to stop and hand him the keys ... ) .... but i swerved away again to my right .... and then spun out of control across the motorway in the middle of rush hour ... in a city where drivers are not noted for driving slowly or soberly (weekend drinking here starts at breakfast on Friday .....) or for being forgiving of obstacles in their way ..... and given the driver's side was on the side of the oncoming traffic - the obstacle was pretty much me ....

What they tell you about your life flashing in front of you or having the presence of mind to pray or anything is all bollocks .... i just knew when i finally came to a stop that i was done for and that that seemed to be rather a pity .... when Thud ... amazingly most of the oncoming traffic managed to miss me personally .... the nearest car hit my bonnet .... the woman behind slammed into him .... and all of a sudden everyone was hooting as our mini-pile up was stopping them get to the pub after work ...

Its amazing what having been a junior doctor (however many long years ago it was) does for your calmness in a crisis .... I leapt out of my car (too much Hollywood i think where cars always explode on impact ... does that really happen ever?) .... and checked the suicidal running man was ok (he was - he'd sped across the entire highway apparently undamaged and cars on the other side reported he'd scampered off into the bushes) .... checked that everyone else was alive .... checked that i was fully intact .... and then breathed a huge sigh of relief ....

Amazingly a traffic cop was only 2 cars behind (in SA - the normal police don't bother themselves with any offenses on the road - so you can speed merrily past them but need to slow in front of the metro traffic cops) ...... as was the tow company that my car rental firm uses ... so everything was done and dusted very quickly .... and far from being blamed - the traffic cop praised my andretti-esque skills (!) ....

But its just starting to hit me now .... i thank every guardian angel possible that i wasn't talking on my phone or speeding at the time .... that i somehow managed to avoid hitting the crazy man ... and that everyone in the collision cars were unscathed .... i'm not sure how i could live with myself if (even if it wasn't my fault) i had killed or hurt someone ....

The policeman called me this evening to tell me how many people have died at that very spot ... and how very lucky i was to escape without a scratch .... i guess somehow it wasn't my time ..... and yes i admit - i am a little tempted just to gush a bit and tell everyone how much i love them and ooze about how wonderful and precious life is despite any recent minor ups-and-downs ..... but in the end i feel someone must have been smiling on me today ... and i'm just determined to get out there and not stop smiling either .....

The New 7 Wonders of the World

http://www.new7wonders.com/index.php

I had no idea that this was up for a public vote .... apparently the Taj Mahal is doing the worst of the lots ....

You have two and a bit days left!

The NHS - the New Al Quaeda Cell?

Hospitals breed Hate? Who would have thought those NHS corridors could precipitate such violence? Is North Stafford Hospital a secret terrorist training camp?

Unsurprisingly there's much rabid vitriol from conservative yanks about Drs and their potential links to terrorism .... but whats clear is that being a medic is a brilliant cover if you want to set up a sleeper cell ... but - also scarily that even clever, capable and importantly well-paid (well at least averagely paid) individuals can become so radicalised .... and some perfunctory googling shows that Al Quaeda is apparently no stranger to killer-Drs .... which (and it pains me to admit this) is a slap in the face for those of us champagne socialists who protested against the "war" claiming that aid not bombs were what we needed .... the logic that no one who could read shakespeare (much less grays anatomy) or had access to immunisations would want to blow themselves up seems perhaps a little naive now ....

All of the above is obviously now a painful kick to the groin of foreign doctors either already in the country or knocking on the door of Fortress Britain/struggling with PLAB etc .... and its played right into the hands of all the fascist-anti-immigration-klan-BNP offshoots who want to be rid of us darkies all together (i can just hear the refusals to be seen by a muslim doctor starting already ...) .... the next question will be could the UK cope without all its foreign Drs? Although I suppose MakingMedicineCrap might be easier next year .... now that's a thought .... maybe that was their motivation - has anyone pursued links with MTAS? Medical Terrorists At your Service?

But really - doctors? I'm now thinking back to my class at medical school .... and just wondering - perhaps that one did look a bit dodgy ...

In the shadow of the 6th bush on the right ....

Bloody South Africans and their sense of direction ....

Now I know I'm from London - where talking to strangers and especially foreigners is something to be sneered at as the sort of thing only Americans do .... and where avoiding requests for directions is an art form and sending tourists the wrong way is a respected sport .... but I've always been dead pleased and relieved that in Africa being a foreigner elicits delight and sincere hopes that you like their country ....

In Kenya and other parts of East Africa .... if you were to ask directions ... more often than not nice locals will accompany all the way to your destination .... and won't hear of being taken back to where they started .... (although sadly this is probably because they have little else to actually do ...)

In South Africa ... people aren't quite as nice as to get in your car with you (here in SA - that's called car-jacking) .... and bless their hearts they really do try to give directions .... here in Cape Town - rather than a road name - directions generally start by saying either this or that side of the mountain (Table) .... but nine times out of ten - they're wrong or just ridiculous .... and frankly - however well intentioned - they must just learn to say they don't know ....

So there am I trying to get to one of the swankier hotels at the V&A waterfront to pick up honeymooning Jay and Bindee .... of course - me being me with my highly evolved sense of always taking the wrong turn ... I end up at one of the many other hotels at the water front ... and have to ask the concierge for directions .....

He beams at me .... eager to help the poor foreigner ....

"See sissy .... you know you must turn .... yah right ... turn around ... and then you know the hump .... with the big tree .... it's just there sissy ...."

I was speechless .... This is the centre of Cape Town - does he bloody think we're still in the bush? Why not just say i don't know ... or draw a map ... or give me street names? Instead of "past the waterhole on the left in the shade of the cooliebah tree" ....

Now my South African mates hotly contest this observation - which is held by the way by all foreigners who ever come here .... Priya (a particularly vociferous patriot) sees it as a matter of national pride .... until even she had the following interaction when she got a bit lost ....

"Ag man .... shame you're lost .... you must turn back - and you know that big road with a lot of traffic .... its just by there ...."